every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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