is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
