Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
