I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
