mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
