I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
