Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
whose parrot is this?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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