Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
