I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I fill condoms, not promises.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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