I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
