They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
