Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
