Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
