Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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