True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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