I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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