i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize