A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
