I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I wear drunk well.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
