thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
