You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
my liver is dry heaving
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
