Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
