The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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