I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
