So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize