My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
