Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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