Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
