I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
