I wish I could teleport
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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