the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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