with your own penis?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
