I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dicks are not precious.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
