I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
