hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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