Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
