i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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