I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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