no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
