So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
