i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
