If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
