Quick, to the slutcave!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
