how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
