don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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