It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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