Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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