just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
