I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My ATM looks so different sober.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
