so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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