The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
