And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I met the friendliest cop last night
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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