i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
