mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
