Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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