I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
