Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
