i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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