drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
