I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
