i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You ruined the universe
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
