I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
