After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
