Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
