We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize