I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
