Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
