I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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