Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
