Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
