Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
