Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
