Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
