My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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