I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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