Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
