we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize